hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
