You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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