They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
