Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
