Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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