He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
