Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
