Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
