should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
