is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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