Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
