Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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