I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
