i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
