the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
