3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So much Jack, so little girl.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
