I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
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