I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i think i just lost a toe
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
