The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
