Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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