I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
