sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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