that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I want a musical about memes.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
