He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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