I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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