just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
4 words: hood of his car
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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