respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
