Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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