I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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