Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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