i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
