I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
