I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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