dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
