There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
