How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
