bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
