laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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