Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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