I accidentally had phone sex last night
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
