There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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