apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
