Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
