Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
