shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
