you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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