The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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