All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
