So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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