I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize