The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
