I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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