I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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