my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
