: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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