Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize