3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
