if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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