As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
