Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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