Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
