It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
