You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
