I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
