My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize