Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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