Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
