I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm like, not good at living.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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