dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
