He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
