butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize