Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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