I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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