Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
