I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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