i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
