help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
