No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
