So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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