i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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