Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize
