So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i was born a porn star she said
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
