I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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