I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
