Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
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