You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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