I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
