I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Randomize
