WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
