This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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