I want to stick my p in your. b.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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