Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
