Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
