you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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