...so i touched it.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
