who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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