I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
