you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
