he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You are a genius and a whore.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize