and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
