i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize