Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
