Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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