she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
