eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
