a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize