i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
