my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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