the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
