let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
