I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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