I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
