OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
