So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
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