Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
