I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Your penis caused this!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize